1 Thessalonians 5:11
Think about how it feels when you hear someone encourage you or build you up. When their words and actions work together to support and encourage you. When they see the very best in you; when they see your potential.
For me, when I hear someone build me up and encourage me, especially publically, it makes me shine. I feel so good about myself and I want to make sure that I am living up to their expectations of me. I mean, if they think that way about me, it must be true. On the flip side, when someone speaks negatively to me and focuses on my shortcomings, I cannot help but feel discouraged and then I focus on my shortcomings as well.
When we focus on areas in our lives where we excel, we will grow those areas a lot more effectively than if we focused on our shortcomings. Yes, we need to work on the shortcomings as well, but for most of us we will only become marginally better in those areas.
This is true for our husbands as well. The Bible commands us to encourage each other and build each other up. We can usually see people’s positive qualities better than they can. For some reason, when it comes to our husbands it is easy to get caught up in their shortcomings. We need to shift our minds and focus on the ways they excel and on their full potential. If we build our husbands up, they will want to live up to that. They will feel good about themselves and they will want to excel.
What are some simple ways you can build up your husband?
Pray for him daily.
Spend time in prayer praying specifically for your marriage, for your husband to lead, for his hopes and dreams, for your relationship, for you to be a good wife, for you to give him grace, that you would focus on his positive qualities instead of his shortcomings, etc.
Your words and actions have power; more power than you think. Use this power to encourage your husband in all he does. Our relationship can be used to help or hinder our husband's view of himself. Choose to help him.
Speak highly of him to others.
Whether he is around or not, speak positively about him to others. If he hears this, it will build his confidence. As partners, we need to treat each other well. Speaking highly of each other is an easy was to do that. On the flip side, never speak poorly of him to others. This type of “venting” will only weaken your marriage relationship. Check out our article on that topic here.
Be positive and encourage his dreams.
When he feels he has your support and backing, he will be able to succeed at just about anything. We need to believe in our husbands and let them know we believe in them with our words and our actions.
Love him unconditionally (with Christ's help).
“[Love] always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13:7
It is important that your husband knows that no matter what happens, you will always be there loving him and supporting him. When he knows that he has that safety net, he will be able to reach higher and do more than he thought possible. Knowing we have soft ground to land on, allows us to push ourselves higher. Be that soft ground for him.
Use your words to uplift him instead of tearing him down.
“The tongue has the power of life and death” Proverbs 18:21
Your words have so much power. We have the power to encourage or discourage; to build up or tear down. Every time you speak, you have a choice to make. Choose to uplift those around you, especially your husband.
Give him the same grace you want from him.
God extends grace to us; He gives us favor that we did not earn or deserve. When we mess up, He forgives us even though we deserve death. In our marriage relationship, we expect our spouses to give us grace, to forgive us to allow us to have room to grow and to allow us to have space to succeed or fail. We need to extend this same grace to our husbands. Assume the best in your husband, even when you can only see the worst. Remember the God created Him with His two hands.
You alone have intimate access to his heart. You know his hopes and dreams, as well as his fears. You have a choice every day whether you encourage him and build him up, or you discourage him and tear him down.
A book I highly recommend is Love and Respect. It is for the two of you as a couple to read and reflect on. It will help you to grow in your relationship as well as help you know how best to build each other up. Women and men need different things, and this book goes into great detail about each of us.
The thing to remember is that as partners we should be building each other up. When we got married, we became one flesh. When one of us succeeds, the other succeeds.
How do you build up your husband?