I have been married for five years and have two children. As I see my best friend beginning to embark on the journey of marriage and motherhood, I was thinking about the best advice I could give her. I could give some advice, of course, but I figured that I would turn to some seasoned wives and ask them what their advice would be. So I went to our Natural Christian Mommas Community page, where we have many women who are willing to share honestly.

I asked our Natural Christian Mommas:
What advice would you give a couple that is just starting out in their marriage? What is something you wish someone had told you?

My prayer is that as you read these responses, they encourage you in your marriage.

Here are some of their responses:

To not tell family or friends bad things about your spouse or the arguments you have. They love you and will always side with you. Therefore will naturally develop negative feelings for him and plant seeds of doubt in you. –Shelby

Honor your husband. Honor him with your tongue, when you're talking to you friend, mother and on SOCIAL MEDIA. Your tongue has the power to kill or to save. –Bethany

You and your husband are on the same team. If one of you wins an argument, you both actually lose. Learn to fight fair. And just do some premarital counseling; really it will help give you some tools for marriage. You can never have enough tools. –Jackie

Start and end each day together with God. –Micha

Don't sweat the small stuff. There will be a ton of little things that will irk u about each other. Focus on the good. Encourage your spouse. Don't constantly criticise. Be patient. Have boundaries but love unconditionally. –Crystal
Put your spouse first (after God)! They will be there for you when no one else is and when the kids are grown and gone. –Jennifer

Be smart about your money. –Cassandra

Get counseling or do some marriage classes even if you are currently doing well as a couple. If someone would have put "saving your marriage before it starts" or "how to get the love you want" into my hands before we wed, it could've changed the first 5 years of my marriage. –Victoria

To always look at your spouse as Jesus does. Love is unconditional. Never stop dating. Try to work in some constructive biblical marriage or relationship seminars/workshops/retreats at least yearly. –Jeanette

COMMUNICATION is the most important skill that a husband and wife need to learn to be happy. Talk about your expectations of one another. Share your fears, concerns, goals, dreams, etc. SHARE everything. Pray for one another daily, endlessly. Always keep the passion alive, If two people stoke the fire that is their marriage, it will never go out. –Emily

Communication. And you need to learn how to "fight" correctly. Make friends with other married Christian couples. Get involved in ministry together –Bethanie

Love your spouse the way they need you to love them! So many time I showed him love the way *I* thought he should feel it, and that would only cause frustration for both of us. Specific to the book "The 5 Love Languages", his love language is 'gifts'. Which seems pointless and frivolous to me (especially with a tight family budget), but it didn't matter how much I did any of the other love languages if I wasn't speaking the one he needed me to. –Rebecca

Go to marriage classes or premarital counseling BEFORE you get married. Often topics come up that you don't know to address beforehand. –Melissa

Make God the center. Grow together or grow apart: read together, challenge each other, go to conferences, attend marriage bible studies, and keep learning together. Sit down and map out your own ideal vision for your marriage/family based on your values and your hearts desires. Save it and make future decisions based on your vision. Never talk bad about your spouse to others. Be willing to compromise. Get rid of your ego. Always ask yourself how you can serve one another. Make time for romance. Apologize. Pray together. –Jessica

The honey moon period may not be a real thing. It wasn't for us, that first year was probably our hardest, but thankfully, we had committed our marriage to God and divorce was not an option. Nearly 9 years later we have new, different challenges, but divorce is not something that comes to mind. Your commitment has to be to God first to truly have a strong marriage. –Leah

Conflict resolution and management is not just for the office. I would encourage all couples to listen to the heart of the matter for solutions not who's right or wrong or just to be heard. You've vowed "forever I do". There will be many disagreements but you will be this with this one forever until death so learn what makes each other tick and ticks each other off. Honestly not every conflict can be avoided but they must all be resolved. So learn how resolve and manage conflict with your spouse. –Tenacity

I wish someone had told me to work at being more giving of myself. Selfishness creates a TON of relational problems!  And I second the importance of premarital counseling. SO many things were brought to our attention through that counseling that we wouldn't have probably thought too much about.  –Rosalie

 There is no such thing as "50/50!" It should always be "100%/100%", but we're human, and sometimes, it's going to feel like 100/30, or even 100/3. No matter what, though, you are responsible for your efforts, not theirs. Always pray to see your spouse as God sees them. Always give your 100%. They are responsible to God, not you, for what percentage they give. –Amy

To remember that your spouse is your closest neighbor, and the only one, other than God, whose opinion should matter the most in your joint decisions for your family. If you need to complain about your spouse, complain to your in-laws. Because it is their child and they probably have better wisdom on how to handle them. That no matter what kind of trouble arises in your marriage, with God; all things are possible and can be worked through together. –Erica

Love languages really would have saved us a lot of heartache and time. –Sarah

If you're planning to have kids, just get the king-sized bed. Even if you don't plan to co-sleep, your kids WILL be in your bed and there will NOT be enough room! –Annie

Get on the same page about money. My husband and I did Financial Peace University after our first year of marriage. We recommend it to everyone! –Melanie

Love Jesus more than you love each other. Learn one another’s love language(s) (especially the way Danny Silk describes them. Gary Chapman wrote the book and it's a must read but the way Danny depicts them can be a real eye opener) and NEVER stop investing in your marriage, via prayer and bible time, date nights, retreats, book studies, marriage life groups and ministries. Keep growing together and don't get complacent. Love is a CHOICE! –Lauren

It should never be about who is right. Most things are opinion and not right or wrong. If you aren't trying to win the right or wrong battle and can just be willing to hear the other person's perspective without dismissing it, life will be much easier. –Maria

Marriage isn't a give and take. You both walk in with these bins full of expectations and both of you will be disappointed. The truth is, a marriage only works when each partner actively seeks to grow in Christ and relies on God's joy rather than expecting your partner to fill that void. Also, grace. Be as forgiving and as faithful as possible. But don't do it for each other, do it mainly for God. –Amelia

Love God above all else, never take anything too seriously that you can't find joy, laugh every day, always kiss goodbye (even if you're mad), when it gets hard (because it will, I promise) PRAY. –Lacy

Invest in your relationship. Read relationship books (Gary chapman has several amazing ones). Give to your husband\ before asking/nagging and usually they will reciprocate. –Kristen

Never talk bad about your spouse, that anger and disrespect WILL take root in your relationship if you let it. And never say/threaten the "D" word, if you think about divorce or threaten it, you eventually idealize it thinking it's the answer to your problems and even if your just saying or thinking it because your mad or upset, it really hurts your relationship, and more importantly--it hurts your spouse. –Michelle

Always be gentle to one another. –Samantha

Pick one "naked day" and it has to be the same day every week! (With kids you obviously choose a naked post bed pre wake up day). Keep your family out of your finances, arguments, and intimate details! MOST IMPORTANT!!!! Be on your spouse’s team!!! Have his back! And pray for his success and failure!!!! –Wendy

Never stop dating. Especially when you have kids! Christ first, relationship second, kids third. People tend to screw that up and put their kids first and that's when marriages and families fall apart! It's hard to keep that in mind when the kids come but so crucial! Be equals and always kiss good bye! –Molly

What advice would you add?

He never does anything around the house; I do it all!

My husband is so useless, and all he does is play video games.

Seriously again? Why does he think he can come and go as he pleases!

There are times when we get caught up in the moment and we share our emotions on social media or with a group of friends. What happens sometimes is that one woman will share about how the other day her husband was late coming home from work, he didn't call and he didn't remember to stop at the store, and when he came home he didn't put his shoes and clothes away properly, and then he sat down and played video games. Or some variation of the story. The woman, who presumably had worked hard all day, felt very unappreciated by her spouse and let him know. The other women who are listening then chime in with stories of how bad their husbands are and how they wish they would act.

Let's think about this for a second. What if the situation was reversed and you found out your husband and his friends got together and blasted their wives, sharing all the times we forgot or did not do something or overreacted?

I don't know about you, but I mess up. I make mistakes. I get caught up in doing work and forget to do the dishes. I would prefer to watch my show or read a book to doing laundry. And after a long hard day the first thing I want to do is relax.

I never thought I'd have to write a piece like this, but it is really weighing heavy on my heart lately. Our husbands mess up, but so do we. Our husbands do things that we think are not so smart, but I do not so smart things too. The point is, we all mess up. Shower your husband with grace and love because that is what you would want him to do to you.

As wives we need to agree to stop. Just stop ever talking poorly about our husbands. It makes me so sad when I am with friends or I am on social media and hear or see someone talking poorly about their husband. It is rude, disrespectful, and self-sabotaging. And it needs to stop now. It needs to stop here.

Agree today to stop and apologize to your husband if you have done it in the past.

Here are some questions to ask yourself before discussing the situation with someone else:

• Am I genuinely asking for help? Or am I just venting?
  
• Am I asking a person I trust who can remain objective?
  
• Have I prayed about it?
  
• Have I talked about something great my husband has done recently?
  
• Am I calling my husband names (like idiot) when telling someone else the story?
  
• Will telling someone else actually benefit my marriage relationship?
  
• Have I discussed this kindly with my husband?
  
• Is this conversation private or is this on social media for everyone to see?

Remember, husbands and wives are on the same team. They are partners. They are to work together in everything. Supporting each other, edifying one another, helping the other person achieve great things and become an even better person.

Let's agree to not talk poorly about our husbands. Simple as that.

Comment below and agree to join with us in keeping our marriages strong by building up our husbands.

Birth of Jesus Foretold

26 In the sixth month of Elizabeth's pregnancy the angel Gabriel was sent from God to a city of Galilee named Nazareth, 27 to a virgin betrothed to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David. And the virgin's name was Mary.28 And he came to her and said, “Greetings, O favored one, the Lord is with you!” 29 But she was greatly troubled at the saying, and tried to discern what sort of greeting this might be. 30 And the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. 31 And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus. 32 He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. And the Lord God will give to him the throne of his father David, 33 and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end.”

34 And Mary said to the angel, “How will this be, since I am a virgin?”

35 And the angel answered her, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born will be called holy—the Son of God. 36 And behold, your relative Elizabeth in her old age has also conceived a son, and this is the sixth month with her who was called barren.37 For nothing will be impossible with God.”38 And Mary said, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” And the angel departed from her.

Mary Visits Elizabeth

39 In those days Mary arose and went with haste into the hill country, to a town in Judah, 40 and she entered the house of Zechariah and greeted Elizabeth. 41 And when Elizabeth heard the greeting of Mary, the baby leaped in her womb. And Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit,42 and she exclaimed with a loud cry, “Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb! 43 And why is this granted to me that the mother of my Lord should come to me? 44 For behold, when the sound of your greeting came to my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy. 45 And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.”

As I was sitting in my car this morning, waiting to meet up with a friend, I picked up my Bible and opened it to these chapters. I didn't intend on having church in my minivan but oh, how God planned otherwise.

 The Lord was just all over me as I read! I mean those moments you feel like you are suffocating in his presence. Where His presence brings you to tears. These thoughts were revealed to me. God wants US to be like a spiritual Mary!!! 

Mary was so pure and favored she was entrusted by God himself to conceive and carry Jesus in her womb. To nourish him. To sacrifice herself to bring Him to life. We should be so pure and favored that we conceive and carry Jesus in the depths of our souls!

When a woman becomes pregnant her body starts changing. Things start moving around to make room for the new life within her. Her body starts providing nutrients so the life can grow! We too should be moving things out of the way for Christ in our lives!

 We should be feeding our souls and nourishing Christ within ourselves. Make room for Jesus! Get that addiction and push it aside. Get rid of that anger so the life within you can grow and flourish. Rid yourself of those wayward thoughts so Jesus can stretch! Give him room! 

Then when we see that Mary so much as greeted her cousin and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit and her own baby LEPT in her womb... Wow!!! Can you imagine if we were so full of Christ within us we just had to greet someone to fill them with the Holy Spirit? I mean c'mon, that's how we should be! Overflowing with Christ's presence till the people around us can't help but feel it too. That's how I want to be! 

I want people to know I'm different just by my spoken word. I want them to feel Holy Ghost floods in their spirit when I say nothing more than a hello! Will you allow yourself to be a vessel? Will you make room for Jesus today? Not just a little room but let him really have all the space he needs, even if that means he's pouring out of a brand new you? I will! 

Phew, as I write this out to blog it it's happening all over again. I have chills under the power of this comparison and revelation. And I hope you feel it too. 

 BE FILLED! 

Shelby Sheene

I have to wonder what the church would look like if we, as mothers, came together to love and support one another. What would it look like to our communities if we modeled our hospitality off of the early church. What if we embraced this radical notion that we were designed for relationship and community. That we were never meant to be solitary or lonely. 

Momma, I cannot express to you how my life change when I searched, found and established my friendships. I am praying that you find your community just like I have.