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Marriage Advice From Real Wives

I have been married for five years and have two children. As I see my best friend beginning to embark on the journey of marriage and motherhood, I was thinking about the best advice I could give her. I could give some advice, of course, but I figured that I would turn to some seasoned wives and ask them what their advice would be. So I went to our Natural Christian Mommas Community page, where we have many women who are willing to share honestly.

I asked our Natural Christian Mommas: What advice would you give a couple that is just starting out in their marriage? What is something you wish someone had told you?

My prayer is that as you read these responses, they encourage you in your marriage.

Here are some of their responses:

To not tell family or friends bad things about your spouse or the arguments you have. They love you and will always side with you. Therefore will naturally develop negative feelings for him and plant seeds of doubt in you. –Shelby

Honor your husband. Honor him with your tongue, when you're talking to you friend, mother and on SOCIAL MEDIA. Your tongue has the power to kill or to save. –Bethany

You and your husband are on the same team. If one of you wins an argument, you both actually lose. Learn to fight fair. And just do some premarital counseling; really it will help give you some tools for marriage. You can never have enough tools. –Jackie

Start and end each day together with God. –Micha

Don't sweat the small stuff. There will be a ton of little things that will irk u about each other. Focus on the good. Encourage your spouse. Don't constantly criticise. Be patient. Have boundaries but love unconditionally. –Crystal Put your spouse first (after God)! They will be there for you when no one else is and when the kids are grown and gone. –Jennifer

Be smart about your money. –Cassandra

Get counseling or do some marriage classes even if you are currently doing well as a couple. If someone would have put "saving your marriage before it starts" or "how to get the love you want" into my hands before we wed, it could've changed the first 5 years of my marriage. –Victoria

To always look at your spouse as Jesus does. Love is unconditional. Never stop dating. Try to work in some constructive biblical marriage or relationship seminars/workshops/retreats at least yearly. –Jeanette

COMMUNICATION is the most important skill that a husband and wife need to learn to be happy. Talk about your expectations of one another. Share your fears, concerns, goals, dreams, etc. SHARE everything. Pray for one another daily, endlessly. Always keep the passion alive, If two people stoke the fire that is their marriage, it will never go out. –Emily

Communication. And you need to learn how to "fight" correctly. Make friends with other married Christian couples. Get involved in ministry together –Bethanie

Love your spouse the way they need you to love them! So many time I showed him love the way *I* thought he should feel it, and that would only cause frustration for both of us. Specific to the book "The 5 Love Languages", his love language is 'gifts'. Which seems pointless and frivolous to me (especially with a tight family budget), but it didn't matter how much I did any of the other love languages if I wasn't speaking the one he needed me to. –Rebecca

Go to marriage classes or premarital counseling BEFORE you get married. Often topics come up that you don't know to address beforehand. –Melissa

Make God the center. Grow together or grow apart: read together, challenge each other, go to conferences, attend marriage bible studies, and keep learning together. Sit down and map out your own ideal vision for your marriage/family based on your values and your hearts desires. Save it and make future decisions based on your vision. Never talk bad about your spouse to others. Be willing to compromise. Get rid of your ego. Always ask yourself how you can serve one another. Make time for romance. Apologize. Pray together. –Jessica

The honey moon period may not be a real thing. It wasn't for us, that first year was probably our hardest, but thankfully, we had committed our marriage to God and divorce was not an option. Nearly 9 years later we have new, different challenges, but divorce is not something that comes to mind. Your commitment has to be to God first to truly have a strong marriage. –Leah

Conflict resolution and management is not just for the office. I would encourage all couples to listen to the heart of the matter for solutions not who's right or wrong or just to be heard. You've vowed "forever I do". There will be many disagreements but you will be this with this one forever until death so learn what makes each other tick and ticks each other off. Honestly not every conflict can be avoided but they must all be resolved. So learn how resolve and manage conflict with your spouse. –Tenacity

I wish someone had told me to work at being more giving of myself. Selfishness creates a TON of relational problems!  And I second the importance of premarital counseling. SO many things were brought to our attention through that counseling that we wouldn't have probably thought too much about.  –Rosalie

 There is no such thing as "50/50!" It should always be "100%/100%", but we're human, and sometimes, it's going to feel like 100/30, or even 100/3. No matter what, though, you are responsible for your efforts, not theirs. Always pray to see your spouse as God sees them. Always give your 100%. They are responsible to God, not you, for what percentage they give. –Amy

To remember that your spouse is your closest neighbor, and the only one, other than God, whose opinion should matter the most in your joint decisions for your family. If you need to complain about your spouse, complain to your in-laws. Because it is their child and they probably have better wisdom on how to handle them. That no matter what kind of trouble arises in your marriage, with God; all things are possible and can be worked through together. –Erica

Love languages really would have saved us a lot of heartache and time. –Sarah

If you're planning to have kids, just get the king-sized bed. Even if you don't plan to co-sleep, your kids WILL be in your bed and there will NOT be enough room! –Annie

Get on the same page about money. My husband and I did Financial Peace University after our first year of marriage. We recommend it to everyone! –Melanie

Love Jesus more than you love each other. Learn one another’s love language(s) (especially the way Danny Silk describes them. Gary Chapman wrote the book and it's a must read but the way Danny depicts them can be a real eye opener) and NEVER stop investing in your marriage, via prayer and bible time, date nights, retreats, book studies, marriage life groups and ministries. Keep growing together and don't get complacent. Love is a CHOICE! –Lauren

It should never be about who is right. Most things are opinion and not right or wrong. If you aren't trying to win the right or wrong battle and can just be willing to hear the other person's perspective without dismissing it, life will be much easier. –Maria

Marriage isn't a give and take. You both walk in with these bins full of expectations and both of you will be disappointed. The truth is, a marriage only works when each partner actively seeks to grow in Christ and relies on God's joy rather than expecting your partner to fill that void. Also, grace. Be as forgiving and as faithful as possible. But don't do it for each other, do it mainly for God. –Amelia

Love God above all else, never take anything too seriously that you can't find joy, laugh every day, always kiss goodbye (even if you're mad), when it gets hard (because it will, I promise) PRAY. –Lacy

Invest in your relationship. Read relationship books (Gary chapman has several amazing ones). Give to your husband\ before asking/nagging and usually they will reciprocate. –Kristen

Never talk bad about your spouse, that anger and disrespect WILL take root in your relationship if you let it. And never say/threaten the "D" word, if you think about divorce or threaten it, you eventually idealize it thinking it's the answer to your problems and even if your just saying or thinking it because your mad or upset, it really hurts your relationship, and more importantly--it hurts your spouse. –Michelle

Always be gentle to one another. –Samantha

Pick one "naked day" and it has to be the same day every week! (With kids you obviously choose a naked post bed pre wake up day). Keep your family out of your finances, arguments, and intimate details! MOST IMPORTANT!!!! Be on your spouse’s team!!! Have his back! And pray for his success and failure!!!! –Wendy

Never stop dating. Especially when you have kids! Christ first, relationship second, kids third. People tend to screw that up and put their kids first and that's when marriages and families fall apart! It's hard to keep that in mind when the kids come but so crucial! Be equals and always kiss good bye! –Molly

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